USS Valkyrie
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Sage Advice - Part 5

Posted on Tue Jul 18th, 2017 @ 7:35am by Lieutenant Yara Blackwater & Lieutenant Rafan Kel

Mission: Deep Space 12
Location: Ilian Family Home

"Of course you won't." Yara said, coaxing Khras down to rest on her legs so that she could lean back and not have to worry about him getting caught between her back and the chair. While she had never learned to play anything - something that had been labeled as a waste of time - Yara did have a surprisingly deep admiration of music. Even though he was an ass, her uncle Nathaniel Blackwater was someone she appreciated for his musical skill... the man deserved the fame he had. He had passed the talent on to his children and had even tutored his other niece and nephew, making the majority of the Blackwater family quite musically inclined.

Sometimes she had to wonder what her life might have been like if her father just hadn't been her father.

"Enjoying it anymore than usual?"

"I went with a more mellow selection...but I do find it a bit more relaxing," Rafan said as he listened to the music and found that he really was enjoying, even giving it much more of an appreciative ear than he had in the past. He felt himself smiling before he covered it by taking a drink from his glass.

"Well, that's good." Yara said and ran her fingers through her hair as they sat there and listened to the music while Khras slept on her lap. "Your mother is worried about you, you know..." She finally said after a few moments of silence between them, "She can tell something is wrong."

Rafan was quiet for a moment as he his expression fell, he knew that his mother was worried and he new that his own behavior hadn't ever really helped much, especially after his joining and what happened after. That felt like an anchor tied around his neck that was dragging him down under the weight of everything, he sipped the slightly sweet, rose flavored whiskey before leaning his head back to close his eyes. "I know...I just don't know what to say to her, Yara."

"I have it all in here," He said and reached up to tap his forehead "But I don't know how to get it out where it makes sense and doesn't make her worry more, I wouldn't want to do that to her."

"Is it possible that you are overthinking it? Not that you'd ever overthink something." She offered though she wasn't able to fully rein in a little splash of sarcasm at the end there. It was just how she was. "You're her kid, even if it doesn't come out right, don't parents usually just have that thing where they tend to understand their child's nonsensical babble?"

"I'm glad that you haven't lost your acerbic wit." He replied with a glance over at Yara, but he was one of the few people that really appreciated and even enjoyed it, though he sipped his drink and relaxed back into his seat, letting the music seep into him.

"I'm not a parent, so I don't know what superpowers they have...maybe I'm just afraid of disappointing her."

"What would she have to be disappointed about with all you have accomplished?" Yara asked and turned her head to look over at him, frowning slightly. "Just because one thing isn't going exactly how you imagined it to?"

Rafan shifted uncomfortably as he felt Yara's gaze settle on him, sipping from his drink before looking over at her. "When you say it out loud, makes the whole thing sound stupid..."

"Well... that's because it is stupid." Was her simple reply though she did expand on it rather quickly since she knew that may have not exactly been what was good to hear in this moment. "I mean... well what I mean is that if they are disappointed in your for that then they are a bunch of asses and it's better to know now, but I really do think you worry for no reason."

"Stop making sense, Yara Blackwater." He said and couldn't help but smirk a little and then looked over at the woman sitting next to him. He knew she was right, he knew it was so very stupid...he'd isolated himself for a very long time and poured himself into his research and his career. Everything always came out in the end, everything always came out clean in the wash as one of his Human classmates at the Academy had been fond of saying, though he hadn't been certain why.

Yara shrugged and looked out to the darkened sea, falling silent for a moment then looking back to Rafan again. "You have a family that loves you, Rafan. Don't take that for granted and don't shut them out. Before you know it you'll end up lonely and miserable." She very suddenly flashed him a bright grin that if it had not been followed by the next words could have actually passed as something warm and cheerful. "Like me." The grin vanished immediately and reverted back to her general cool expression interrupted only by her lifting her glass to take another drink.

"You don't have to be, Yara." Rafan said as he looked over at her, his drink forgotten as he sat there and settled into silence after he spoke, a different feeling welling up inside of him towards the tall and much too often bellicose woman. He looked down at his drink and downed the rest of it as the song mournfully trailed off into its end.

"Eh. It's fine." Yara said and waved her hand before she finished her drink and sighed out slowly. "I should be getting back now."

Rafan was quiet.

He bit his tongue from saying anything more or even pushing the issue as he moved to sit up, standing as he reached out to take Khras from Yara, who grumbled at being moved from his very comfortable position. "I suppose it has gotten rather late, but you can stay overnight here if you'd like, though I do know you have the hotel room too."

"I'm not going to stay overnight." While it was not spoken rudely, it was done in a way that Rafan would know she meant it and that he would not do well to keep pressing the issue. "Thank you for dinner and sharing the family home with me. It was nice. Now, stop being an idiot and talk to your family. You don't have to tell them everything, but let them support you. You aren't being good to yourself by doing what you are doing."

"Well you are welcome to stop by for breakfast if you want, Yara." He said cradled his feathery pet, who had nuzzled into his chest and was sleeping soundly again. Though he also bit back the urge to retort that she wasn't doing anything good for herself living the way she was. "Do you want me to walk you out?"

Yara smirked and just shook her head, reaching out to brush her fingers over Khras briefly before she looked at Rafan. "I'm sure I can find my way out. I'll come by in the afternoon to get you and we will head back to the station." She didn't really want to leave and she wasn't sure why, but that feeling was an indication she should under no circumstances actually stay. Nothing good would come of it.

"See you tomorrow, Yara." He said, looking up at her and smiling, moving back over to his seat and carefully setting Khras down as he picked up the PaDD to start going through the music and picking out a playlist to sit and listen too.

Yara left Rafan there and headed out of the house. After she closed the door behind her, she began to walk slowly down the pathway back toward the main roadway so she could get a ride back to her hotel. These past few days had been... hard. Harder than she would have wanted to ever admit to herself. Being around Rafan's family had made her feel that dull ache that had been there for years much more sharply than she had in a long while. It was equal parts infuriating, humiliating, and devastating for her to reflect on just how much time and effort she had spent just trying to get her family to love her and it had just never worked. No matter how successful she was it just hadn't been enough in any stage of her life - from the idolizing child to the hellion teenager to the top cadet at the Academy. Nothing.

Frowning, she wrapped her arms around herself and looked back over to her shoulder to the soft outline of the house she had just left then breathed out slowly.

Maybe she would just never be enough.

 

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